Dear Santa Steve (Jobs)

Dear Santa Steve,
I know it is still May, but since I know there is a lot of work still to do, I figure the best way for us to start is for me to give you a heads up on my wish list.

I’m a happy owner of a first-generation Unibody MacBook which I got back in October 2008. I love the 13″ form factor and bought it on day one (it didn’t hurt that I was already in the market for a laptop). In the time that has passed since then I’ve made a number of changes to help it keep up with the times: more RAM, a larger and faster HDD, and a new battery (since I tend to abuse them), but I’ve nearly run out of things I can do. I’ve been saving the SSD upgrade for when I simply can’t take it any longer, which will hopefully tide me over until you finish making my next laptop.

You see, according to my math, my laptop is coming up on 75 in laptop years. It’s starting to think a little slower, it has had screen-hinge-replacement surgery, and has all of the character and battle stories a laptop this age should have. Still though, it is in remarkably good condition and can keep up with its younger siblings surprisingly well–until it tries out for sports teams. You see, it simply can’t play Portal 2 like the younger generation with all of their speed and agility.

So, with that preamble, let me tell you all about that pretty young thing I’m imagining replacing this old geezer with…

First, I really care more about who she is on the inside as opposed to the out. Not to say that I don’t appreciate a nice body, but really, that it comes secondary. Keeping with the physical though, nice eyes are a must. I’m thinking of a 13.3″, matte finish, 1440×900 IPS display with an RGB LED backlight. I know, these things are as rare as unicorns, but if anyone can find the unicorns, it’s you.

Now, all that looking goes unheeded if not for some brains to back it up. A discrete GPU would do nicely to help keep her mind off of the trivial things and focused on the important things. Paired with her four-core heart, she will be fit as a fiddle and should be able to play any sport she so desires.

If I let myself get a little too ambitious in my dreaming I imagine her being really good at accessorizing. A compass, gyroscope, accelerometer, cellular connectivity, NFC, and GPS would be a great start. And maybe she can do something to resolve the selective hearing my current laptop is experiencing–I’d like to imagine that this young lady will have a nearly flat frequency response curve for most of the range of human hearing.

I’m even willing to make some sacrifices. Optical media and I go back a long time, but if she is truly prejudiced against them I will surely find other ways to get my CDs ripped. And I know it isn’t typically considered kosher to say this, but it is really a nice and easy way for her to lose some weight.

And finally, she should last quite a while once I take her to bed. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I’d like her to outlast me every time and still be ready for more in the morning, if you know what I mean.

So Steve, what do you say? Christmas 2012?

Nathan Hammond

For those of you following along at home:

  • 13.3″ 1440×900 matte IPS display with an RGB LED backlight.
  • Discrete GPU, bonus points for it being on a sister board to reduce repair cost.
  • 4 core Ivy Bridge processor.
  • Compass, gyroscope, accelerometer, cell connectivity, GPS
  • Quality speakers.
  • Huge battery.

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